Baby It's Cold Outside

Ok. I am freezing. I know i have no room to talk compared to my loves in Ohio. It is party due to the fact that my dad keeps that house at subzero temperatures. But, yes it is cold. We got a grand total of like 3 snow flakes yesterday. I am always cold except during summer,but right now I am faareezing! I am about to go light the fire and make some hot chocolate. I love this weather because it means Christmas and I cannot wait to have little ones to share this magic with. This is such a season of family which can also get a bit crazy. But, I LOVE chaos! I am not sure what this Christmas season holds for me or my family, but I am excited for Christmas to get here!! I am excited for Celeste's (my mom's friend) party! I am excited for hot chocolate in San Antonio. I am definately excited about Christmas day presents and excitement. I am excited to celebrate Mom's birthday! December is such a fun time of year and I am glad it doesn't stay this cold very long. You Ohio people are extremly brave!

Well it was a fun week. I have been home from school doing absolutely NOTHING! I talked to both sisters and brother. Luke had his first christmas program and Cami was puking. So, needless to say I missed a cute play but missed out on some stinky vomit :) I miss yall deeply! I love my sisters very much. They mean the world to me and sisters share something special nothing can break. My brother is a cool kid that can always make me laugh. And the broinlaw is quite an awesome guy with some awesome cooking skills!! I miss my neices and nephews. The times i share withthem are forever etched in my mind and are so very dear to me. You six kids are my heart and I love you with every breath! I hope this christmas season is special for each one of you guys! Have fun playing in the snow and freezing your tails off!! Stay warm and I hope to see you very soon...not sure when but I can't wait to see yall.

I passed my Generalist test, which is a major test i have to take to become a certified teacher! it is a HUGE step in the beginning of my future! I start student teaching January 5th and will do that until Aprilish...THen...GRADUATION!! so these few weeks of nothingness are being used to hibernate and store enegry for the coming semester! it will be thrilling and I know my sisters are going to be even more busy than me with nursing school and masters classes...so pray for all threee of us to get to May with our sanity!

Well, i have to get back to doing nothing for another three weeks :)

Love,
Me

Patience

Patience. This is something I have not much of. 

I would call myself one of the most least patient people in my life.  For starters, my mom and i just started a puzzle like 30 min ago with my uncle, and i quit after the edge was done because it was frustrating me that i couldn't find pieces.  Well, thats not the point.  

Waiting on the Lord.  That is where I might lack the most patience.  I struggle to make decisions simply because I am too impatient to sit still and listen.  Then, I get impatient about not making the decision and it all goes down the drain anyways.  Waiting is something that gives me so much strength when i do it.  If i pray a focused prayer and get on my knees before the Lord, he hears me.  That is truth that I cling to with all of my might. Then, after I pray, I must sit still and listen to the Lord's answer.  I must be still and know he is God, not be anxious and restless.  I have a peace knowing he hears me and answers, but I am impatient.  I cannot sit still enough and listen. I want it right out of thin air to smack me in the face and know what my answer is.  My sisters will tell you how stubborn I am.  I have to sit and think things through on my own and wrap my mind around it before I will literally say a word.  I am known by a few people to say way too much and by others to not talk about things at all.  I think it come from my inability to rest and let things just happen.  This is nothing new, but it has definately been difficult for me to make adult decisions because it terrifies me stiff  to make important decisions.  I just need to be still and patient and know the Lord is taking care of me.

"Direct my footsteps according to your word: let no sin rule over me." Pslam 119:133

My footsteps are guided and I will be ok.  It is time to just live and let the Lord have control.  I love my life and I am truely blessed beyond measure.  I am content to rest in the joy from my Lord, my father who has given me new life.  

Thankful

Sitting in my aunt and uncles castle in the hill country, I am waiting for other aunt and uncle to get here with my cousin, his wife, their two dogs, and my other cousin.  Already at the house are myself, my parents, grandparents, and aunt and uncle. Not to mention the dogs...Brazos, my mom's dog Tobi, Rex, Pepper..and this afternoon Ty, Macie and Chloe arrive.  That my friends is 12 people 8 dogs. The Marksberry, Kirk, Goodman Canine Holiday is in fulls wing.  It would be wonderful if EVERYONE...as in more of the cousins coughmysistercough...could have made it, but we are enjoying ourselves.  As the last six months of my life have unfolded, I sit here in pure joy thinking about the events.  If you have been around me much, you probably have heard plenty of complaining over the last year.  No matter how bad things have gotten, i have had more fantastic and God given blessings then things to complain about.  

Thins i am thankful for:

• My dog Brazos is one of the funniest dogs ever and makes me smile all day long!!
• My roommate because our house always smells good from her candles and we have a fun little home.
• My family is one of the wildest bunch ever.  I miss everyone that I am not always around and there is never a dull moment when we are together.
• I am very thankful for getting my Aggie Ring this year.  College was one of the roughest and most wonderful times in my life, but my aggie ring means I am almost done! I will finally have my own classroom and be an independent adult come May!

Well, i have another blod topic ive been wanting to write so I am cutting thankfulness short. I will eat another peice of pie to make up for it :)

Cuz ya had a bad day....

Sitting in a coffee shop writting a lesson plan, I felt the need to blog. I sit here with like 1000000 thoughts running through my head that I just wanted to write about. So...that is what brings me back to this dandy online place that I can pour out pointless thoughts in hopes that it matters to somebody in the world...just kidding.

So, my thoughts...

Love is patient...love may be patient, but I am not. I must learn how to be. I am impatient and very stubborn. It takes me FOREVER to think things through. And once I do, I just keep thinking in hopes that I make the right decisions. This brings me to the word faith. "Faith is the assurance of things hoped for and the conviction of things not seen.." Hebrews 11:1. But what does that mean? I sit here with a heart full of dreams and a life lived before the Lord. I have to have his peace that somehow, somewhere, in his own time I will live these dreams. I just have to take steps into the unseen knowing that he is with me. So I ask myself, why is this so hard for me? ...the answer...I don't know. My guess is that I am just not patient and too independent. I just have to let the Lord take my hand and guide me and wait patiently for his timing because it is not my own. Time and time again I try to plan my own things and plan my own life while telling myself that the Lord is in control but gently not really letting him guide mysteps. So I will choose to have faith. The Lord has done some miraculous things in my life and those close to me. All of these things show me his faithfulness and his soverign nature. He IS in control. He is who he says he is and his power is almighty. As Blake talked about in big church yesterday, he said we are not on Earth to be happy or find happiness. We must wake up each to and fight opposition. This opposition takes many forms in my life and I realized that when I keep trying to fight this sadness it never gets anywhere. With the idea that we are not here to find happiness or to be happy, I can now face the junk that is holding me back from joy with the strength of the Lord. I had not fully given my hurt and sadness to the Lord, but to think that we arent here to find happiness but to find joy in the Lord gives me strength I did not know I had. I will now wake up each day knowing that today is going to be awful because I am not here to be happy, but I must seek my joy from the Lord each day. I hope this is making sense to somebody other than me as well. So sitting here in this coffee shop with my homework sitting next to me, I choose to have joy in the Lord and not happiness in Earthly things or beings....hmm wow that makes so much sense! I think after a long while, I have found joy that use to be ever present in my life but had become a fairweather friend.

and this my friends is what joy looks like to me...don't mind the awful tan lines....

and here are few more examples....

ok...maybe i should do hw now...until next time...goodbye!

A Lifetime Kind of Love

So I spent time with my grandparents this weekend. They are sweet and wonderful as I mentioned my grandfather before. Today was very rough day at the house. Everyone was out of sorts. We were all stressed and hungry. It was just a yuck kind of day, besides hanging out with family. So we get everyone out the door and we go to dinner. We ate at the same restaraunt and actually sat at the same table we had three times in the last 2 months. We are all just chatting away as our clan tends to do together (usually with margaritas we get alittle loud.) I look over at Grandpa and he has a menu between him and Nana. He said ,"What would you like to eat honey?" Ok lets back track, my Nana has demensia (early alzteimers). Ordering from the menu sometimes is difficult if she isnt sure what sounds good. Grandpa takes wonderful, tender care of my Nana. In his sweet nature after a very very (I mean not good at all) stressful day, he leans over her and helps her pick out something to eat. They have been married for over 60 years. They got married when they were 19. The majority of their life has been together. It has withstood three children, an oil career, and medical road bumps. His love for her is so real. It is beautiful. I want a love like that. I want a love that will not be broken. A love that melts my heart when I am feeble and grey. This is the woman that he has loved for so long and even if she has rough days, that love shines through his eyes and in the way he was with her and thinks about her and her well being at ALL times. This is real love that is woven into his very being. Like we are told, two flesh will become one. That is their life. Its a lifetime kind of love.

This is a picture of my grandparents at their country club where we celebrate mother's and father's day every year...at this same table that fits us all. They are here with Haley probably 4 years ago.

I am with you always

My prayer right now is that the Lord is with me through everything. I am starting to make my own decisions that could and will have a major impact on my life. Where do I go after graduation? Is it fair to hold on to old dreams when there is to much hurt? Is another chance too many? What do I want for my life? Sometimes it seems so clear. I can feel the Lord speaking to me and giving me a peace about my decisions. It will all make sense to me, then I feel him telling me something else. It seems like right now I will have my mind made up and have a peace about it, and the Lord calls me to something else. I want to look into the next year and see what happens in my life. I have a very steady comfort knowing the Lord is always right next to me. On my walk with Brazos (my dog) this morning I spent the time and prayer and knew that Lord was with me, understanding my struggle and stress. Being a Christian, I know that the Lord's peace is a peace that passes all understanding. That is something i have stuggled with in college. I have constant problems with stress. I stress about way too much. At time like that, I just have to sit and let the Lord's peace wash over me. I know he has plans for me, plans to prosper and not harm me. I know I am living my life in his will, but I feel like the next step i take is always going to be right off the edge of a cliff. So today, I choose to find rest within the everlasting love and peace of my Abba Father. I surrender my soul and let him into my struggles that I continually attempt to fix myself.

Some pictures....

I can add pictures because I am smart!

This is me. This is me and two of my favorite people. Charles Alan and Karl Wilhelm! This is when we got our Aggie Rings! WHOOP! What a good day!

These boys and I have been through so much from Jr.High to Aggie rings...and more to come. I couldnt ask for better guys watching out for me. Their families mean so much to me and the memories are endless. They were both present at my baptism and have always been there to make me smile, laugh,and create embarrasing moments. I am proud to be there friend. I am proud of them for who they have become through college. It makes me smile when I think about all the random things that have happened in the last 10 years.

In the picture of me, I am wearing my Grandfather's boots. He is one of the most extraordinary men. He is brillant. He is caring. He is a stronghold for our family. He is a wonderful grandfather who has doted on me, provided for me, and respected my decisions. He has pushed each one of the grandkids to be their best and we are all stronger people for it. He is the first of the three generation Aggie tradition in our family. He couldn't leave Houston to come to ring day, so I wore his old boots. Thanks Grandpa for making me be the best I can be!

Ok. I am done blogging for a little while...atleast a day! haha

A Narrow Road

Sitting here in the house I did most of my growing up, I have a heavy heart. It is being remodeled and sold. My life is changing but this is just a physical reminder that the only thing that stays the same is change. I don't know what will happen in the next few months until I graduate. I don't even know what will happen by the end of today, except I will end up back in College Station. I just know the Lord is by my side. That fact known, I am called to walk a narrow road of righteous decisions. Sometimes this is not easy, and many times I do know even know what my next step on this narrow road should be. I just pray that in this time of change and fear the Lord will walk me through this huge cloud of uncertainty. This is the first time in my life that I have not been sure of what to do with my life. The answers should seem to be clear to me, but I can't seem to shake this fog and figure them out.

I want so much for my life. I am stubborn. I am a dreamer. Above all, I am a new creation in the Lord. Sharing this with my sisters is a gift that I have always dreamed of having. It has finally come true. It is one of the most beaufitul things in my life besides the fact that I have sisters and neices and newphews, and brother! My family is gold to me. They are my next breath! They are encouraging me on this narrow road and helping me find my way. I can count on them and know they will be there through everything...because they have been. Thick and thin. Being the youngest is scary but I know they have all got my back.