Cuz ya had a bad day....

Sitting in a coffee shop writting a lesson plan, I felt the need to blog. I sit here with like 1000000 thoughts running through my head that I just wanted to write about. So...that is what brings me back to this dandy online place that I can pour out pointless thoughts in hopes that it matters to somebody in the world...just kidding.

So, my thoughts...

Love is patient...love may be patient, but I am not. I must learn how to be. I am impatient and very stubborn. It takes me FOREVER to think things through. And once I do, I just keep thinking in hopes that I make the right decisions. This brings me to the word faith. "Faith is the assurance of things hoped for and the conviction of things not seen.." Hebrews 11:1. But what does that mean? I sit here with a heart full of dreams and a life lived before the Lord. I have to have his peace that somehow, somewhere, in his own time I will live these dreams. I just have to take steps into the unseen knowing that he is with me. So I ask myself, why is this so hard for me? ...the answer...I don't know. My guess is that I am just not patient and too independent. I just have to let the Lord take my hand and guide me and wait patiently for his timing because it is not my own. Time and time again I try to plan my own things and plan my own life while telling myself that the Lord is in control but gently not really letting him guide mysteps. So I will choose to have faith. The Lord has done some miraculous things in my life and those close to me. All of these things show me his faithfulness and his soverign nature. He IS in control. He is who he says he is and his power is almighty. As Blake talked about in big church yesterday, he said we are not on Earth to be happy or find happiness. We must wake up each to and fight opposition. This opposition takes many forms in my life and I realized that when I keep trying to fight this sadness it never gets anywhere. With the idea that we are not here to find happiness or to be happy, I can now face the junk that is holding me back from joy with the strength of the Lord. I had not fully given my hurt and sadness to the Lord, but to think that we arent here to find happiness but to find joy in the Lord gives me strength I did not know I had. I will now wake up each day knowing that today is going to be awful because I am not here to be happy, but I must seek my joy from the Lord each day. I hope this is making sense to somebody other than me as well. So sitting here in this coffee shop with my homework sitting next to me, I choose to have joy in the Lord and not happiness in Earthly things or beings....hmm wow that makes so much sense! I think after a long while, I have found joy that use to be ever present in my life but had become a fairweather friend.

and this my friends is what joy looks like to me...don't mind the awful tan lines....

and here are few more examples....

ok...maybe i should do hw now...until next time...goodbye!

A Lifetime Kind of Love

So I spent time with my grandparents this weekend. They are sweet and wonderful as I mentioned my grandfather before. Today was very rough day at the house. Everyone was out of sorts. We were all stressed and hungry. It was just a yuck kind of day, besides hanging out with family. So we get everyone out the door and we go to dinner. We ate at the same restaraunt and actually sat at the same table we had three times in the last 2 months. We are all just chatting away as our clan tends to do together (usually with margaritas we get alittle loud.) I look over at Grandpa and he has a menu between him and Nana. He said ,"What would you like to eat honey?" Ok lets back track, my Nana has demensia (early alzteimers). Ordering from the menu sometimes is difficult if she isnt sure what sounds good. Grandpa takes wonderful, tender care of my Nana. In his sweet nature after a very very (I mean not good at all) stressful day, he leans over her and helps her pick out something to eat. They have been married for over 60 years. They got married when they were 19. The majority of their life has been together. It has withstood three children, an oil career, and medical road bumps. His love for her is so real. It is beautiful. I want a love like that. I want a love that will not be broken. A love that melts my heart when I am feeble and grey. This is the woman that he has loved for so long and even if she has rough days, that love shines through his eyes and in the way he was with her and thinks about her and her well being at ALL times. This is real love that is woven into his very being. Like we are told, two flesh will become one. That is their life. Its a lifetime kind of love.

This is a picture of my grandparents at their country club where we celebrate mother's and father's day every year...at this same table that fits us all. They are here with Haley probably 4 years ago.

I am with you always

My prayer right now is that the Lord is with me through everything. I am starting to make my own decisions that could and will have a major impact on my life. Where do I go after graduation? Is it fair to hold on to old dreams when there is to much hurt? Is another chance too many? What do I want for my life? Sometimes it seems so clear. I can feel the Lord speaking to me and giving me a peace about my decisions. It will all make sense to me, then I feel him telling me something else. It seems like right now I will have my mind made up and have a peace about it, and the Lord calls me to something else. I want to look into the next year and see what happens in my life. I have a very steady comfort knowing the Lord is always right next to me. On my walk with Brazos (my dog) this morning I spent the time and prayer and knew that Lord was with me, understanding my struggle and stress. Being a Christian, I know that the Lord's peace is a peace that passes all understanding. That is something i have stuggled with in college. I have constant problems with stress. I stress about way too much. At time like that, I just have to sit and let the Lord's peace wash over me. I know he has plans for me, plans to prosper and not harm me. I know I am living my life in his will, but I feel like the next step i take is always going to be right off the edge of a cliff. So today, I choose to find rest within the everlasting love and peace of my Abba Father. I surrender my soul and let him into my struggles that I continually attempt to fix myself.